One of the reasons which helped ease myself on going home is the fact that, personally speaking, I felt a bit uncomfortable being in Europe under the current political situation. Berlin is almost a pretty damn safe, pluralistic city, and I love how it accepts diversity, but just go a little outside, and despite never had to deal directly with racism or phobia towards my beliefs, and there you have it. Some people with their freaking true colors.
Once we were on our way on a train for a trip to Leipzig. Hopped in some guys who didn’t have tickets and harassed the ticket lady. She was so brave to talk back at them, and I felt so annoyed with these guys. I didn’t even dare to look at them, not wanting to get involved with the problem. Once they were off, these couple of youngsters who seems to be on their way for a weekend getaway, started making jokes about these people and Islam. (I think these guys who didn't have tickets implied them being muslims. Why, I don't know because I wasn't brave enough to look. Or something they said?) These youngsters started shouting, ‘Allahu Akbar’ in a mockingt one, laughing and all, and I was so angry, I kept on looking towards their direction, and begged with my eyes, please stop, but only one of them actually saw me and he looked a bit embarrassed, but they just hurled and hurled away. So I asked my husband for us to move to the next car.
Other time, I was going to buy ice cream in an ice cream shop in Venice. This was just right a week after the Paris attack last year, so for me, it’s understandable that when they see a woman, looking foreign, wearing hijab, they must have been freaked out. I don’t think that they really think I was a threat but they started speaking in Italian about terrorist background check, etc, and then I ordered my ice cream, in Italian, just to tell them back, “I heard you, peeps. Why are you saying these in front of me?” and they quieted until I left, but my heart was throbbing so fast.
I mean, these are really some unfortunate business. I remember, as we traveled from Trento to Munich, the police officer came to our cabin to check both our passports, not bothering to check the other couples’ passports in the same cabin. They saw that we’re Indonesians, and they didn’t give a bat-shit afterwards. But just having to endure such thing, for me is really really stressful. I wasn’t feeling home anymore whenever these things happened.
My sister once was called ‘pig’ when she was travelling in Austria, by a guy who claimed her seat, although she sat on her righteous number. She understands German, so she talked back that she’s not a pig. But I was so heart broken to hear her having to experienced such a thing. And this was back in 2013. Some people out there are simply closeted minded racists, and to have to experience that first hand is one of the most horrible experience you can get. I think I have suppressed some of the worse experience I had, because it’s too embarrassing and hurtful to have to dig in once more. But unless you have experienced it, it’s really hard to know how it feels.
Going home was part of me really really missing feeling accepted. To be blended among the people. To not being a stick in the mud. I think some Indonesians are racists themselves when having to encounter other beliefs, other ethnicity, some more extreme than the others, and I wish they could just stop doing that, stop sharpening hatred towards each other, be more open minded, and please, please, practice kindness and understanding. I simply came to understand, that being judgmental towards minority or people who looked different, is a problem which can happen anywhere, it’s just a matter whether you’re part of the majority of minority, and how you act upon being either one of it. Some people do not have the luxury to be educated enough, some people use it as a form of escape out of their mundane life (to blame other people, and who else would be so easy to blamed but people who seemed to be ‘foreign’?), or just basic lack of empathy towards other people, in short, it’s a complex societal problem coming from different roots and background. But still, being home, at least makes me feel less fearful that the guy sitting next to me in the public transportation would suddenly spat on me, or talking trash about me using other language.
And so the rising of the far right is real in Europe, and the immigration problem is causing a crisis, and it’s not as simplistic as some people might think, and who am I to say anything about it when I’m a mere Indonesian, but gosh, I read Giles McDonogh’s 1938: Hitler’s Gamble and it’s such an eerie feeling to see how people once were left stranded outside countries’ borders, and then came the aftermath... I hope they will find a humanistic solution to the current immigration crisis...
But I have to end this on a more positive note. So let me tell you about people who made out trips and travels so much nicer and comfortable.
On our train back from Leipzig to Berlin, one of my way to make people comfortable and not worrying if I’m a bad muslim, is to read books which make people assume the best of me. Mine was Anthony Everitt’s Cicero. At least people would think that English is how to approach us, I READ LATIN alphabets (some people thought muslims only read arabic. Which appalled me every single time. You see, Indonesians use latin alphabets, study arabic to read the Quran, but not the language. Just to read it. It’s like being able to read Russian alphabets, but not understanding the meaning? Just how to read it? I understand some Quranic words because I went to a school specializing on the subject, most people just read the arabic words without knowing what they mean), aaand I’m educated enough to know about Cicero. Trust me, this is a tool to avoid racist people. And well, I do really love Cicero. So back to the subject, this German guy, sit without hesitation in a seat across the two of us. When he had to get off earlier, he even bother to say, ‘Bye!’ which is like a conversation in the world of Germans. So I was so glad that he did that.
When we were walking downtown in Trento, we passed by this cake shop, and I told Rizki let's have a try, and maybe get a cup of coffee. And the owner was so nice, even saying, 'Have a pleasant holiday' as we left. These things make me feel warm at heart (yes, it should be normal for a shop owner to do that. But hey, I'm obviously a muslim, someone with a religion claimed by those terrorists as the reason to do what they do.).
One other time, we were on a train again, and I was actually thinking about going to the toilet the second time, and this lady, with her broken English, bothered to explain me, how to get to the toilet. I was so happy about her concerns and her taking the trouble to use English, that I even pretended that I don’t know where the toilet was.
And there was this train ticket guy, Rizki and I was trying to get to a different area in Leipzig to see some graffitis, and had to take this sort of S-Bahn, and the guy who checked our tickets smiled at us. Because of me, we stopped at a wrong stop, twice, and we went back again with this S-Bahn, and the guy who checked the ticket was still the same person, and I was so worried we might get questioned for acting suspicious, but hey ho, he just looked confused but didn’t bother to say anything!
And, on our train back from Florence, late in the evening, towards Venice, the train was late, as usual. And the guy sitting next to me was annoyed because he had to catch another train. He paused his reading, and started to talk to Rizki and I in fluent English, about Italian culture and compare it to German’s (I told him we’re currently living in Berlin), how special Venice was and how we have to visit it in different seasons, see to it when there’s snow, or fog, or raining, or sunny, all are beautiful in their own way (Venice is super beautiful. Truly one of my favorite sightseeing site. Not for living, I guess. Just a quick holiday, or maybe a more extended stay like in Brideshead Revisited? But I have to be a British aristocrat to be able to do it, though :p), how it was so difficult to organize a country like Italy because it compasses of different territories with different people who historically came from different kingdoms or republic (like Venice), but their familial feeling is admirable, and even the people sitting next to us started to listen and as if chiming in to our conversation, that was super enjoyable trip!
Being home, certainly feels good. There are some downsides, for sure, but my heart is more settled. I don’t think that I’d feel this worried when I’m travelling around Asia, there’s a different atmosphere of philosophy, of way of living, of things which are of urgent concerns and not, which differs from there in Europe. The eastern world is truly moving forward on its own, and I can’t be more relieved with that. When Aneta told me about her trip in South Korea, it went exactly like I thought it would be. Yes, it is a more intrusive culture where you’re forced by social pressure to be part of something bigger, I got home and felt the urgency of having to visit distant relatives, just to say hello, this and that, but it’s also easier to feel welcomed. To be part of the society. And after all those years, I guess this is exactly what I need for now. God knows about the future, but for now, I feel like I’m safely home.
