Thursday, March 31, 2016
Writing my discussion part
I am currently writing a discussion part of a paper about carbon stock in riparian system. My results clearly shows that there are simply lacking of information on things supposedly to be important to conclude that riparian system simply is a better carbon stock compare to upland system. The information on belowground variables, especially when it comes to the biology, is really lacking. I'm not even talking about lack of assessment of soil biota, but lacking something as simple as root architecture through depth is really really... shocking and making me sad.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Book Review: Everything I Never Told You
Book Review: Everything I Never Told You, Celeste Ng, 2014
As posted in goodreads
Rating: 3/5
This book is my kindle trial book. My friend insisted that I should give it a try!
So the book is a family drama about a young girl found dead, and how her family had to trace back and forth about their life, of how it all went wrong, about how it all started, and whether or not they can make peace with all that has happened. Lydia, the girl found dad, came from a multiracial family, with blond haired, blue eyed mom (Marilyn) and a father with of Chinese descent (James). Since the book was set up in the 70s, it reflects the difficulty of how Marilny felt different for wanting to pursue her dream to be a doctor, and how James felt different because of his ancestral background, considering how people are blatantly racist at that time. I've promised myself not to read a family drama about unrootedness because it makes me feel sad most of the time (like Jhumpa Lahiri's books), but I was sort of rooting for some thriller to came up? Hahaha.
Anyways, for me it's a sad book of people unable to communicate and obsessed over things which shouldn't be obsessed at. The way Marilyn pushed Lydia to become a better version of herself annoyed me so bad. And the way James pushed her the other way, to be more 'acceptable' in society was also awful. Spoiler ahead: Her Mom also once runaway from home to somehow tried to give another shot on her dream, and I just can't stop thinking how selfish she is for leaving her two kids like that... I really think the main reason why this family is so miserable is really, their lacking of ability to communicate. She should've told her husband that she wants to work again, not because he can't support their life, but more because she still has unfulfilled dreams! And parents with unfulfilled dreams who shoved it to their kids is, for me, truly awful. Spoiler ends. I can't imagine a teenager had to deal with all that. It was almost okay because at least she had a brother, Nath, who truly understand her, but he just got a chance to move to another city for college, and really, I couldn't blame him to be excited about moving out. Being under appreciated compare to her sister, and simply ignored all his life, and even his dad, out of his feeling of inferiority, treated his son with a despise that I'm amazed he didn't break quicker than his sister had. Sadly this makes Lydia felt even sadder, the person who understands her most decided to go away.
There's another character in the book, the youngest daughter, Hannah. But it's so annoying how her parents don't really care about her existence throughout the book??
Anyways, it's not the most impressive book I've read. I remember Jhumpa Lahiri left a more lasting impact to me (because even now I always feel a bit scared to read this kind of genre, afraid that it'll broke my heart), but the theme is interesting, and although I wish that there would be less and less of parents of this type, and more and more great bonding between brothers and sisters, in case some kids have to deal with such parents, and they'd at least have a solid emotional support, I think it's a pretty important book to read. Don't forget peeps, your spouse can't read your mind! Talk to them! Being a teenager is rather difficult, so please don't pressure your kids to the point of them breaking, please accept them as they are. Before being parents, please try to reach your dreams beforehand, or make your path towards it and don't force it to your kids. And even if you don't reach your dreams, remember that there are these children who came for you who love you unconditionally, so at least do it for them. Life's pill is bitter, but a family is a place where one can find comfort, right? Don't be racist, appreciate and listen to what others have to say. And it's 2 am in the morning, so I'm signing off, and have a goodnight!
As posted in goodreads
Rating: 3/5
This book is my kindle trial book. My friend insisted that I should give it a try!
So the book is a family drama about a young girl found dead, and how her family had to trace back and forth about their life, of how it all went wrong, about how it all started, and whether or not they can make peace with all that has happened. Lydia, the girl found dad, came from a multiracial family, with blond haired, blue eyed mom (Marilyn) and a father with of Chinese descent (James). Since the book was set up in the 70s, it reflects the difficulty of how Marilny felt different for wanting to pursue her dream to be a doctor, and how James felt different because of his ancestral background, considering how people are blatantly racist at that time. I've promised myself not to read a family drama about unrootedness because it makes me feel sad most of the time (like Jhumpa Lahiri's books), but I was sort of rooting for some thriller to came up? Hahaha.
Anyways, for me it's a sad book of people unable to communicate and obsessed over things which shouldn't be obsessed at. The way Marilyn pushed Lydia to become a better version of herself annoyed me so bad. And the way James pushed her the other way, to be more 'acceptable' in society was also awful. Spoiler ahead: Her Mom also once runaway from home to somehow tried to give another shot on her dream, and I just can't stop thinking how selfish she is for leaving her two kids like that... I really think the main reason why this family is so miserable is really, their lacking of ability to communicate. She should've told her husband that she wants to work again, not because he can't support their life, but more because she still has unfulfilled dreams! And parents with unfulfilled dreams who shoved it to their kids is, for me, truly awful. Spoiler ends. I can't imagine a teenager had to deal with all that. It was almost okay because at least she had a brother, Nath, who truly understand her, but he just got a chance to move to another city for college, and really, I couldn't blame him to be excited about moving out. Being under appreciated compare to her sister, and simply ignored all his life, and even his dad, out of his feeling of inferiority, treated his son with a despise that I'm amazed he didn't break quicker than his sister had. Sadly this makes Lydia felt even sadder, the person who understands her most decided to go away.
There's another character in the book, the youngest daughter, Hannah. But it's so annoying how her parents don't really care about her existence throughout the book??
Anyways, it's not the most impressive book I've read. I remember Jhumpa Lahiri left a more lasting impact to me (because even now I always feel a bit scared to read this kind of genre, afraid that it'll broke my heart), but the theme is interesting, and although I wish that there would be less and less of parents of this type, and more and more great bonding between brothers and sisters, in case some kids have to deal with such parents, and they'd at least have a solid emotional support, I think it's a pretty important book to read. Don't forget peeps, your spouse can't read your mind! Talk to them! Being a teenager is rather difficult, so please don't pressure your kids to the point of them breaking, please accept them as they are. Before being parents, please try to reach your dreams beforehand, or make your path towards it and don't force it to your kids. And even if you don't reach your dreams, remember that there are these children who came for you who love you unconditionally, so at least do it for them. Life's pill is bitter, but a family is a place where one can find comfort, right? Don't be racist, appreciate and listen to what others have to say. And it's 2 am in the morning, so I'm signing off, and have a goodnight!
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Going home
I woke up reading news that Bernie Sanders didn't win any of the Primaries last Tuesday, and I guess it was sort of a premonition of what will happen during the day. Haha.
So today I finally know for certain that I'm going home by the end of April. Two jobs which I applied didn't follow through (kept telling myself, a colleague had to send 35 applications before getting the one she's having now, so if I'm only sending out 5 applications so far, I shouldn't be too depressed). I guess the first shock is when the first job application didn't follow through (I knew approx. 3 weeks ago). I always try to keep my expectation low enough (the principle is, send an application, and don't focus on the result, focus on the next job to apply!) and I really really hate feeling not knowing and especially being in Germany adds the complication of having to apply for visa extension, so my head is split into two, preparing both scenarios of getting the job and what if not, and if you ever went through visa application here, you'll know what I mean. I mean most of the time, I went out fine. My German is relatively okay for them to reply rather friendly, especially because I almost always have appointments (they seemed nicer when I do that). But I hate the degrading looks and gestures from the bullish looking men who usually tend the queue. AAAH just thinking about it makes me feel so angry.
That said, truly, I will really miss Berlin, my home for the last 4.5 years. It's weird because I know special crooks and corners of it. Which exit will get me off nearest to the elevator in Friedrichstrasse, the nearest ATMs, the cinemas (like one time I remember a friend said that xxx cinema is in ** location, and I answered, no... it's in xyz location, but she insisted, so I opened my phone, aaaand voila. Please don't underestimate my movie related knowledge... that's something I feel I'm totally good at. Hahaha), mapping the u-bahn and s-bahn in my head, the bookshops, etc. And, Berlin is especially open compare to other German cities, and the expat friendly, or foreigner friendly feel is really comforting. It's a city which had taught me that people with so many different background can live together nicely! An Indonesian colleague once wrote how it's weird how Berlin doesn't feel like 'Germany anymore' because there are so many foreigners, but I really thought that that's exactly the best quality of the city!
But my heart is really partially home. I miss the homely comfort I feel in Asia. I just read an email from Aneta describing her current experience in Korea and how open and welcoming life is, there. And even though my sister and I aren't the most social person in Indonesia, as I grow older, I really feel that familial nearness, is important to me. Life is short, and I want to be around people I love most. In addition, mbak Dian is also going home this end of March, so imagine that, mom, dad, sister, pseudo sister, husband, are allll at home. I kept questioning myself what the hell am I doing here all alone? I've talked about it often with fellow Asian friends, or especially with Aneta, how the cultural difference is something I feel strongly after years being here. If it's about being 'westernized', I think I'm westernized enough. But, I guess, the overall easy going feel is probably what I'm missing. I'm always afraid that I'll make mistakes socially. Even after 4.5 years being here, I always feel awkward about showing that I have to pray 5 times a day. Now that my usual praying spot will be transformed into an office, I guess it's best time to go. I don't wanna do it outside because I remember people in my office thinking it's so weird that one of my colleague usually do it outside during summer time. But I totally understand. It's so awkward doing it in the office where people come in and go, and then you have to explain, or I still recall it clearly how it was being thought to be some form of military practice??
The other thing which worries me is the raising of the right wing. Imagine if Trump wins. How happy those right wing people will be (I read news about a poll last Sunday in which right wing parties won quite big. Or the demonstration downtown attracts 3 times more than expected anti-immigration protesters). There are plenty of liberals, but with other issues pressuring from here and there, and the economic threat, and I just finished a book about how 'people will never learn', how long people can sustain the looming threat? Already, travelling outside Berlin worries me a lot. 'Random' security/id check. I just watched a vid about Eindhoven fans throwing and teasing Roman Gypsy women with money (because they usually beg to get money), and yes there are so many nice people around, nobody bat an eye if I order food etc in the regular restaurants or cafe here in Berlin, but these bullish people scares me. Just last week I was taking a friend around the city and some young youth was yelling and screaming and when I passed, one of them screamed at me. I reminded myself to ignore it, remembering that prophet Muhammad said, "be patient, be patient, be patient", and plenty tiny other things which I have to endure, especially from people outside the city (this usually happened in touristic area where people clearly aren't Berliners) which I'm too afraid to confirm because it stressed me out thinking how people can be racist towards people they don't know. And I've read how Jewish people were evicted from Nazi Germany back in 1938, and all the European countries closed their borders which ended up with the Holocaust, and looking at the trend now, it seems some people will never learn! But here I'm touching to an issue which I'm not truly understanding. After all, I'm no European, so I can't really say my opinion because who am I to say anything.
But I am grateful, that I still have a home which is relatively safe, there in Indonesia. We might be not so rich (HAHA wait, I think Jakarta monthly expenses is worse than Berlin), and we have our own problems, but we don't have wars, right? (hopefully never) The young people seems to be more tolerant and open minded and more critical towards the establishment, so that's good as well right? There are some bad news, but there are plenty exciting news as well right? I can still try to find a job in Southeast Asia or East Asia which is a combination of good food + relaxing surrounding + relatively okay science, right? I'm not that great anyway, so if I'm doing academia, I think moderate level would be fine by me. I stocked quite enough book to supply me for some years. I think I have to start taking responsibility, and less having too much fun (HAHAHA). I realized, that I just reached my dreams, but now that's done, maybe I should try to find new things to dream and aim for. I met a friend (a Chinese) which I talked a lot about these issues, and she said "I wonder how these people (Chinese settling down in Berlin) can do it? Wouldn't they feel lonely? Even when living here, their friends are fellow Chinese. It's not that they blend in with Europeans, so why leave home to be so isolated?" and I guess, some people can do it, or chose to do it, but I really really feel that I miss my home of islands which I haven't even truly explored yet (the year is 2016, I'm FREAKING 31, and I never even been to Bali. Haha). And I know I will miss Berlin in return. But... I can't say it pretty well, let me just write a quote from the book Underground, Haruki Murakami which hits home:
p. 204
" The time I spent abroad, wandering about trying to come to terms with myself, was coming to an end - or so I gradually realized. I could feel the change inside me, an on-going "revaluation" of my values. I was, to understate the obvious, no longer that young. And by the same token, I suddenly knew I was entering the ranks of that generation with a "vested duty" towards Japanese society.
"Time for me to be heading back to Japan," I thought. Go back and do one solid work, something other than a novel, to probe deep into the heart of my estranged country. And in that way, I might reinvent a new a stance for myself, a new vantage-point."
Well said, Mr Murakami. Thank you.
So today I finally know for certain that I'm going home by the end of April. Two jobs which I applied didn't follow through (kept telling myself, a colleague had to send 35 applications before getting the one she's having now, so if I'm only sending out 5 applications so far, I shouldn't be too depressed). I guess the first shock is when the first job application didn't follow through (I knew approx. 3 weeks ago). I always try to keep my expectation low enough (the principle is, send an application, and don't focus on the result, focus on the next job to apply!) and I really really hate feeling not knowing and especially being in Germany adds the complication of having to apply for visa extension, so my head is split into two, preparing both scenarios of getting the job and what if not, and if you ever went through visa application here, you'll know what I mean. I mean most of the time, I went out fine. My German is relatively okay for them to reply rather friendly, especially because I almost always have appointments (they seemed nicer when I do that). But I hate the degrading looks and gestures from the bullish looking men who usually tend the queue. AAAH just thinking about it makes me feel so angry.
That said, truly, I will really miss Berlin, my home for the last 4.5 years. It's weird because I know special crooks and corners of it. Which exit will get me off nearest to the elevator in Friedrichstrasse, the nearest ATMs, the cinemas (like one time I remember a friend said that xxx cinema is in ** location, and I answered, no... it's in xyz location, but she insisted, so I opened my phone, aaaand voila. Please don't underestimate my movie related knowledge... that's something I feel I'm totally good at. Hahaha), mapping the u-bahn and s-bahn in my head, the bookshops, etc. And, Berlin is especially open compare to other German cities, and the expat friendly, or foreigner friendly feel is really comforting. It's a city which had taught me that people with so many different background can live together nicely! An Indonesian colleague once wrote how it's weird how Berlin doesn't feel like 'Germany anymore' because there are so many foreigners, but I really thought that that's exactly the best quality of the city!
But my heart is really partially home. I miss the homely comfort I feel in Asia. I just read an email from Aneta describing her current experience in Korea and how open and welcoming life is, there. And even though my sister and I aren't the most social person in Indonesia, as I grow older, I really feel that familial nearness, is important to me. Life is short, and I want to be around people I love most. In addition, mbak Dian is also going home this end of March, so imagine that, mom, dad, sister, pseudo sister, husband, are allll at home. I kept questioning myself what the hell am I doing here all alone? I've talked about it often with fellow Asian friends, or especially with Aneta, how the cultural difference is something I feel strongly after years being here. If it's about being 'westernized', I think I'm westernized enough. But, I guess, the overall easy going feel is probably what I'm missing. I'm always afraid that I'll make mistakes socially. Even after 4.5 years being here, I always feel awkward about showing that I have to pray 5 times a day. Now that my usual praying spot will be transformed into an office, I guess it's best time to go. I don't wanna do it outside because I remember people in my office thinking it's so weird that one of my colleague usually do it outside during summer time. But I totally understand. It's so awkward doing it in the office where people come in and go, and then you have to explain, or I still recall it clearly how it was being thought to be some form of military practice??
The other thing which worries me is the raising of the right wing. Imagine if Trump wins. How happy those right wing people will be (I read news about a poll last Sunday in which right wing parties won quite big. Or the demonstration downtown attracts 3 times more than expected anti-immigration protesters). There are plenty of liberals, but with other issues pressuring from here and there, and the economic threat, and I just finished a book about how 'people will never learn', how long people can sustain the looming threat? Already, travelling outside Berlin worries me a lot. 'Random' security/id check. I just watched a vid about Eindhoven fans throwing and teasing Roman Gypsy women with money (because they usually beg to get money), and yes there are so many nice people around, nobody bat an eye if I order food etc in the regular restaurants or cafe here in Berlin, but these bullish people scares me. Just last week I was taking a friend around the city and some young youth was yelling and screaming and when I passed, one of them screamed at me. I reminded myself to ignore it, remembering that prophet Muhammad said, "be patient, be patient, be patient", and plenty tiny other things which I have to endure, especially from people outside the city (this usually happened in touristic area where people clearly aren't Berliners) which I'm too afraid to confirm because it stressed me out thinking how people can be racist towards people they don't know. And I've read how Jewish people were evicted from Nazi Germany back in 1938, and all the European countries closed their borders which ended up with the Holocaust, and looking at the trend now, it seems some people will never learn! But here I'm touching to an issue which I'm not truly understanding. After all, I'm no European, so I can't really say my opinion because who am I to say anything.
But I am grateful, that I still have a home which is relatively safe, there in Indonesia. We might be not so rich (HAHA wait, I think Jakarta monthly expenses is worse than Berlin), and we have our own problems, but we don't have wars, right? (hopefully never) The young people seems to be more tolerant and open minded and more critical towards the establishment, so that's good as well right? There are some bad news, but there are plenty exciting news as well right? I can still try to find a job in Southeast Asia or East Asia which is a combination of good food + relaxing surrounding + relatively okay science, right? I'm not that great anyway, so if I'm doing academia, I think moderate level would be fine by me. I stocked quite enough book to supply me for some years. I think I have to start taking responsibility, and less having too much fun (HAHAHA). I realized, that I just reached my dreams, but now that's done, maybe I should try to find new things to dream and aim for. I met a friend (a Chinese) which I talked a lot about these issues, and she said "I wonder how these people (Chinese settling down in Berlin) can do it? Wouldn't they feel lonely? Even when living here, their friends are fellow Chinese. It's not that they blend in with Europeans, so why leave home to be so isolated?" and I guess, some people can do it, or chose to do it, but I really really feel that I miss my home of islands which I haven't even truly explored yet (the year is 2016, I'm FREAKING 31, and I never even been to Bali. Haha). And I know I will miss Berlin in return. But... I can't say it pretty well, let me just write a quote from the book Underground, Haruki Murakami which hits home:
p. 204
" The time I spent abroad, wandering about trying to come to terms with myself, was coming to an end - or so I gradually realized. I could feel the change inside me, an on-going "revaluation" of my values. I was, to understate the obvious, no longer that young. And by the same token, I suddenly knew I was entering the ranks of that generation with a "vested duty" towards Japanese society.
"Time for me to be heading back to Japan," I thought. Go back and do one solid work, something other than a novel, to probe deep into the heart of my estranged country. And in that way, I might reinvent a new a stance for myself, a new vantage-point."
Well said, Mr Murakami. Thank you.
Book Review: Underground
Book Review: Underground, Haruki Murakami, 1997
Rating: 3/5
As published in Goodreads
(it's not that the book is bad, it's just it has an atmosphere which kinda make me stress)
Rating: 3/5
As published in Goodreads
(it's not that the book is bad, it's just it has an atmosphere which kinda make me stress)
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Book Review: Fields of Blood
Fields of Blood, Karen Armstrong, 2014
Rate: 5/5
As published in goodreads
I don't know how else would I feel about finishing this book, but a sense of desperation that throughout history, our humanity has built up distrust and hatred towards each other by manipulating religion for their own needs, and although all religion inherently teaches kindness towards each other (to make it simple), our greed and our economic expansion, has deliberately stained religion, and in return, stained our perspective of religions and people who adheres it. In our current understanding of the world, of course it's easy to blame religion for many violence which happened throughout history and even more currently things we are enduring at our own time. And I'm tired to argue, or sustained prejudiced looks against me being a muslim. Really tired. Karen Armstrong brilliantly explained in details the history of religion vs violence, and you can really tell, more than religion itself, violence is so inherent to human being, greed pushes us to justified expansion and murder of native people, nationalism nurtures a sense of being above other people who are different in race or background, and basically, there's no real connection that religion = violence.
Take an example, and this is something I'm surprised as well, the people who hijacked and conducted the terrorist act during September 11. They had secular education, weren't particularly practicing muslims, practically superficial understanding of the religion, and they seem to mainly did what they do to fill a sense of old time heroism, of a certain level of ecstasy this act offer, which they probably never experienced in their life. Or, how during the dark ages, there was no clear Protestant vs Catholic fights! It was more like a fight between one landlord against another, who apparently maybe a Protestant, and took up Catholic allies, to fight against another Protestant. Or how during 1980s, America supported Afghanistan fighters, which after the fall got confused getting back to their community which are clearly so less radical with what they are, and ended up fighting America back, and then the government at that time decided that it's okay to devilized these people which in the end make it easier for them to invade Iraq, and look, now we have ISIS problem! Geez! The conflict 'between religions' is so far complex than what we thought they are, and if we're to be honest, our problem lies in the way governing people drive peoples' opinion for us to take whatever narrative they're giving!
I wish people can be more tolerant, and open hearted to bridge differences by communication, and stop spreading fire by promoting violence and hatred. And more than fearing Trump candidency for example, what fears me most is the amount of people backing him up. Their hidden bigotry and racism can now just be out there in the open because they have a presidential candidate as their ally. Not to mention the rising right wing in Europe! This is scary! When it's our time to choose, would we be able to do what's right and not feed ourselves to hatred and prejudice? I hope not, but if I learn anything, as people being pressured, and had to endure horrible poverty, war, torture, or violence crime, we can be easily pushed towards becoming someone we hate the most.
If I can, I truly hope that more and more people would read this book and spread the awareness. That there's no single person or religion to point out for blame. But, who would have time for it? All of us prefer things which are instantly made, and it is SO MUCH EASIER to assume that the other people are bad and devilish, and it is so much easier to send a short video or hoaxed pictures to bring more wood to the fire, and there we have it. Hatred towards each other. Bigotry. Racism. Being uninformed. Ignorance. I'm glad that I've read this book, but in the same way I'm sad that this means we're so far from being able to live together in tolerance and peace :(
Rate: 5/5
As published in goodreads
I don't know how else would I feel about finishing this book, but a sense of desperation that throughout history, our humanity has built up distrust and hatred towards each other by manipulating religion for their own needs, and although all religion inherently teaches kindness towards each other (to make it simple), our greed and our economic expansion, has deliberately stained religion, and in return, stained our perspective of religions and people who adheres it. In our current understanding of the world, of course it's easy to blame religion for many violence which happened throughout history and even more currently things we are enduring at our own time. And I'm tired to argue, or sustained prejudiced looks against me being a muslim. Really tired. Karen Armstrong brilliantly explained in details the history of religion vs violence, and you can really tell, more than religion itself, violence is so inherent to human being, greed pushes us to justified expansion and murder of native people, nationalism nurtures a sense of being above other people who are different in race or background, and basically, there's no real connection that religion = violence.
Take an example, and this is something I'm surprised as well, the people who hijacked and conducted the terrorist act during September 11. They had secular education, weren't particularly practicing muslims, practically superficial understanding of the religion, and they seem to mainly did what they do to fill a sense of old time heroism, of a certain level of ecstasy this act offer, which they probably never experienced in their life. Or, how during the dark ages, there was no clear Protestant vs Catholic fights! It was more like a fight between one landlord against another, who apparently maybe a Protestant, and took up Catholic allies, to fight against another Protestant. Or how during 1980s, America supported Afghanistan fighters, which after the fall got confused getting back to their community which are clearly so less radical with what they are, and ended up fighting America back, and then the government at that time decided that it's okay to devilized these people which in the end make it easier for them to invade Iraq, and look, now we have ISIS problem! Geez! The conflict 'between religions' is so far complex than what we thought they are, and if we're to be honest, our problem lies in the way governing people drive peoples' opinion for us to take whatever narrative they're giving!
I wish people can be more tolerant, and open hearted to bridge differences by communication, and stop spreading fire by promoting violence and hatred. And more than fearing Trump candidency for example, what fears me most is the amount of people backing him up. Their hidden bigotry and racism can now just be out there in the open because they have a presidential candidate as their ally. Not to mention the rising right wing in Europe! This is scary! When it's our time to choose, would we be able to do what's right and not feed ourselves to hatred and prejudice? I hope not, but if I learn anything, as people being pressured, and had to endure horrible poverty, war, torture, or violence crime, we can be easily pushed towards becoming someone we hate the most.
If I can, I truly hope that more and more people would read this book and spread the awareness. That there's no single person or religion to point out for blame. But, who would have time for it? All of us prefer things which are instantly made, and it is SO MUCH EASIER to assume that the other people are bad and devilish, and it is so much easier to send a short video or hoaxed pictures to bring more wood to the fire, and there we have it. Hatred towards each other. Bigotry. Racism. Being uninformed. Ignorance. I'm glad that I've read this book, but in the same way I'm sad that this means we're so far from being able to live together in tolerance and peace :(
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Miss Ulfah is looking for a job
So while browsing through job applications, I thought to myself, 'Nope, nope, I think I have to find something outside academia'. Maybe it's my own limitation of not being smart enough to make my own projects. Or, my shyness to do more networking hinders my chances to be more well connected. I don't know. But I also know that I like data mining, statistics, and analysis. This weekend I was doing some code learning, and oh boy oh boy, it was terribly fun! And then we have our group meeting/journal club this Monday, and although the subject is something I like (writing papers!) in the back of my mind, for whatever reason, I keep on thinking, I gotta get away from academia, gotta get away from academia!
Maybe it's the thing about a week. It's not a new news that struggling in this world is tough. Professorships are low in number in Germany. Being a postdoc, you have to be really really high qualified. I notice, personally, there are sooo many PhD graduates every year! (I mean, I already attended 6 PhDs defense just by the end of February this year!) Most, wanted to stay in academia, but there's not enough space! And so I know myself, and my quality, and realizing what I enjoy the most, I know I should do something else. The thing I want to do the most is either do work that will practically apply approaches to betterment of the degradation of environment, and I'm not joking here, because I am truly concern at the rate we're going, and we need solutions or else there won't be any world left to do science at anyway. But to do such work, I need experience. And my years of dealing with soil samples isn't really helping. But I tried. I applied for a position related to that.
The other thing I'm interested with is to do data analysis. Really. I LOVE IT. I could spend hours just struggling in front of R. I'm currently doing meta-analysis (hahaha how long have I been talking about this, 2 years??) and today I just got stuck, but it'll worth it when I figure out how to get around with it. I was reading a meta-analysis paper this afternoon, after running away from office because I felt so stuck, and I was so surprised that reading this was so much easier compare to reading conceptual papers!! See, I really shouldn't force myself on something I'm mediocre-ly good at, I should focus my energy on something I'm actually good at!
This afternoon I was also chatting in a group whatsapp of fellow Bremen Indonesian master and doctorates to be, and I got handy advice about yeah, graduating as a doctorate does not mean you're gonna work on the same subject. More likely, you're gonna have to learn other subjects, and do your best at it. And you know, data scientist isn't so bad. It's even - at least for me- thoroughly exciting. I LOVE building figures, graphs from scratch. I love interpreting statistical results after a rigorous careful 'cleaning' process.
Which reminds me of another thing. I thought about it on my way home. Especially after today's discussion. Okay, go back a little, so yesterday I cleaned up my raw dataset and re-run my analysis. I practiced and tried everything already last week, but I know I have to do a quality control. So, after finding some mistakes here and there, I was ready to go. But I know I still don't fully understand what bootstrapping confidence interval is about. How do I know it's already 'okay'?
So I talked to a friend who is absolutely excellent in meta-analysis. She said, did you check the normality of data distribution? Well of course NOT, because I found that there's a huge heterogeneity, so I practically assume it's not normal. She said, check with Saphiro (significantly not normal, damn it), and then you can transform your data. Aaaah I don't wanna transform my data! Make me so confused with interpretation!! Can I just do something else? And then she said, now that's the purpose of doing bootstrap. If the distribution after bootstrap is normal, or the Q-Q plot fits the fitting line, your data will be fine. And boy was I relieved. Although I still have to understand meaning of data spilled by the bootstrap function. Unfortunately this is gonna be a super busy week! But people are important too!!!
Anyways, I'm doing a rant, topicless blog post this time now. But, honestly, I really really reaalllyyy wanna do data scientist work. Relational model using SQL practice I have this weekend was sooo much fun. Doing R is SO much fun. Practicing Python is also really really fun!!! I hope I can have a job soon related to this! And oh yeah, I'm a job seeker now, so if you got any data analysis/research scientist/data management work, please let me know!! :P
Maybe it's the thing about a week. It's not a new news that struggling in this world is tough. Professorships are low in number in Germany. Being a postdoc, you have to be really really high qualified. I notice, personally, there are sooo many PhD graduates every year! (I mean, I already attended 6 PhDs defense just by the end of February this year!) Most, wanted to stay in academia, but there's not enough space! And so I know myself, and my quality, and realizing what I enjoy the most, I know I should do something else. The thing I want to do the most is either do work that will practically apply approaches to betterment of the degradation of environment, and I'm not joking here, because I am truly concern at the rate we're going, and we need solutions or else there won't be any world left to do science at anyway. But to do such work, I need experience. And my years of dealing with soil samples isn't really helping. But I tried. I applied for a position related to that.
The other thing I'm interested with is to do data analysis. Really. I LOVE IT. I could spend hours just struggling in front of R. I'm currently doing meta-analysis (hahaha how long have I been talking about this, 2 years??) and today I just got stuck, but it'll worth it when I figure out how to get around with it. I was reading a meta-analysis paper this afternoon, after running away from office because I felt so stuck, and I was so surprised that reading this was so much easier compare to reading conceptual papers!! See, I really shouldn't force myself on something I'm mediocre-ly good at, I should focus my energy on something I'm actually good at!
This afternoon I was also chatting in a group whatsapp of fellow Bremen Indonesian master and doctorates to be, and I got handy advice about yeah, graduating as a doctorate does not mean you're gonna work on the same subject. More likely, you're gonna have to learn other subjects, and do your best at it. And you know, data scientist isn't so bad. It's even - at least for me- thoroughly exciting. I LOVE building figures, graphs from scratch. I love interpreting statistical results after a rigorous careful 'cleaning' process.
Which reminds me of another thing. I thought about it on my way home. Especially after today's discussion. Okay, go back a little, so yesterday I cleaned up my raw dataset and re-run my analysis. I practiced and tried everything already last week, but I know I have to do a quality control. So, after finding some mistakes here and there, I was ready to go. But I know I still don't fully understand what bootstrapping confidence interval is about. How do I know it's already 'okay'?
So I talked to a friend who is absolutely excellent in meta-analysis. She said, did you check the normality of data distribution? Well of course NOT, because I found that there's a huge heterogeneity, so I practically assume it's not normal. She said, check with Saphiro (significantly not normal, damn it), and then you can transform your data. Aaaah I don't wanna transform my data! Make me so confused with interpretation!! Can I just do something else? And then she said, now that's the purpose of doing bootstrap. If the distribution after bootstrap is normal, or the Q-Q plot fits the fitting line, your data will be fine. And boy was I relieved. Although I still have to understand meaning of data spilled by the bootstrap function. Unfortunately this is gonna be a super busy week! But people are important too!!!
Anyways, I'm doing a rant, topicless blog post this time now. But, honestly, I really really reaalllyyy wanna do data scientist work. Relational model using SQL practice I have this weekend was sooo much fun. Doing R is SO much fun. Practicing Python is also really really fun!!! I hope I can have a job soon related to this! And oh yeah, I'm a job seeker now, so if you got any data analysis/research scientist/data management work, please let me know!! :P
Friday, March 4, 2016
Bicara gado-gado
Sebenernya gak ada hubungannya banget ya, orang Indonesia sok ikut-ikutan sibuk-sibuk ngedukung calon presiden Amrik. Tapi kalau perasaan dan pikiran udah dahaga karena muak lihat politikus yang kata-katanya selalu berubah-ubah 'tergantung situasi', mempelajari sejarah Bernie Sanders yang konsisten sejak dia muda sampai sekarang, mau gak mau bikin terharu dan tergugah juga.
Gue baca background tentang Bernie gimana orangtuanya adalah Yahudi Polandia yang emigrasi ke Amerika karena menghindari Holocaust. Ketika sampai di Brooklyn, Bernie tumbuh di kalangan menengah ke bawah, dan karena beliau secara etnis adalah Yahudi, saat itu masih dianggap warga kelas dua oleh lingkungan sekitarnya. Gue awalnya masih gak ngerti, kenapa dia sampai ikut kampanye Dr. Martin Luther King dan ngedengerin pidatonya yang bersejarah 28 Agustus, 1963. Oke, mungkin dia orang kulit putih yang juga sekaligus aktivis hak sipil, tapi penyebabnya apa? Beberapa hari lalu bahkan muncul foto-foto Bernie waktu ditangkep polisi tahun 1962 ketika dia ikut protes menentang segregasi sekolah yang memisahkan orang kulit hitam dan kulit putih. Tapi ketika tahu dari artikel tersebut tentang bagaimana sampai akhir 1980an orang Yahudi di Amerika masih suka dilecehkan, dsb, gue akhirnya jadi makin paham kenapa Bernie punya energi yang besar buat menentang ketidakadilan, bahkan sampai maju ke kongres dan akhirnya sekarang ikut kampanye untuk jadi presiden Amrik.
Salah satu hal yang makin gue pahami ketika tinggal di negara asing selama 6.5 tahun belakangan itu adalah, ternyata, jadi minoritas itu gak asik banget. Masih mending Berlin, kotanya pluralistik dan toleran. Sekarang Eropa lagi didera isu terorisme dan imigrasi yang meningkat, dan mau gak mau, Islam jadi bulan-bulanan media dan perspektif umum, apalagi gue yang pake jilbab kemana-mana. Sebelum peningkatan imigrasi setahun belakangan ini aja, setiap ngelewatin pemeriksaan di airport, suka ada aja diperiksa lebih (random check, yeah rite). Sekarang dengan makin tajamnya dan meningkatnya komunitas ultra kanan, atau orang-orang yang awalnya bersikap bigot diam-diam, sekarang bigot secara terang-terangan, gaah... bener-bener bikin gak nyaman.
Gue masih untung, pulang ke Indonesia, balik jadi bagian dari mayoritas. Tapi bukan itu kan, pelajaran yang bisa diambil? Kayak kata Harper Lee di novelnya, "Lo gak bakal bisa tau rasanya jadi orang lain, sampai lu ngerasain dan menjalani hidup di bawah kulitnya". Dan ini gue masih merasa jadi minoritas aja perasaan udah gak enak banget. Musti serba was-was karena walaupun secara umum orang ramah dan baik hati, ada aja manusia yang pikirannya sempit yang memandang lo curiga, ngejudge elu sebagai manusia biadab, dsb, bikin lu kesel di ubun-ubun, tapi masa lo musti bawa sertifikat lulus PhD atau isi bank account buat ngedamprat balik, "Apa? Judge gue lagi? Lu lulus sekolah gak? Gak usah bigoted gitu deh." Tapi kata Rasulullah, kalau orang jahat sama lo, balas dengan bersikap baik, jadi ya walau sulit, berusaha tetep bersabar dan terus-terusan ngingetin ke diri sendiri, jalanin hari-hari dengan harga diri yang diimbangi dengan kerendah hatian. Jangan lupa. Fiuh.
Nah, kan, jadi kemana-mana. Oke, balik ke topik semula. Intinya, being a minority sucks. Jadi kalau menjadi mayoritas, jangan sombong, jangan semena-mena, toleransi dijagalah. Hargai hak azasi tiap manusia, karena lo masih untung lahir jadi bagian mayoritas. Begitu ngerasain jadi minoritas, pedih. Dan lo gak bakal percaya apa yang sekarang gue bilang sampai lo... ngerasain sendiri! Dan makanya, ketika Bernie Sanders, si calon presiden Amrik yang sudah berumur 74 tahun, masih mengulang kata-kata, dan prioritas politik yang sudah dia gaungkan dari muda, dan TETAP KONSISTEN, walaupun sulit dan perjalanannya berat buat dia bisa jadi kandidat presiden dari partai Demokrat, mau gak mau gue jadi bersimpati. Sebenernya setiap kali gue denger pidato politik dia belakangan, gue merasa, kalaupun dia jadi presiden, dia sebetulnya udah nothing to lose, umur juga udah tua, perubahan kalaupun terjadi, dia gak bisa ngerasain semuanya, jadi dia berjuang untuk apa? Bukan buat uang lagi, atau ketenaran, atau posisi politik yang tinggi, tapi konsistensi memperjuangkan apa yang selalu ia perjuangkan dari muda sampai sekarang. Dan sebenernya, gue kagum dengan konsistensi beliau dan semangat keadilannya tersebut...
(ini ada link video tentang hal yang secara konsisten beliau perjuangkan dari dulu sampai sekarang https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU3NKvvxcSs)
Dan tulisan ini pengen gue akhiri dengan gambar dan peribahasa/kata-kata bijak yang barusan gue temuin pas browsing tag Bernie Sanders di Tumblr:
Gue baca background tentang Bernie gimana orangtuanya adalah Yahudi Polandia yang emigrasi ke Amerika karena menghindari Holocaust. Ketika sampai di Brooklyn, Bernie tumbuh di kalangan menengah ke bawah, dan karena beliau secara etnis adalah Yahudi, saat itu masih dianggap warga kelas dua oleh lingkungan sekitarnya. Gue awalnya masih gak ngerti, kenapa dia sampai ikut kampanye Dr. Martin Luther King dan ngedengerin pidatonya yang bersejarah 28 Agustus, 1963. Oke, mungkin dia orang kulit putih yang juga sekaligus aktivis hak sipil, tapi penyebabnya apa? Beberapa hari lalu bahkan muncul foto-foto Bernie waktu ditangkep polisi tahun 1962 ketika dia ikut protes menentang segregasi sekolah yang memisahkan orang kulit hitam dan kulit putih. Tapi ketika tahu dari artikel tersebut tentang bagaimana sampai akhir 1980an orang Yahudi di Amerika masih suka dilecehkan, dsb, gue akhirnya jadi makin paham kenapa Bernie punya energi yang besar buat menentang ketidakadilan, bahkan sampai maju ke kongres dan akhirnya sekarang ikut kampanye untuk jadi presiden Amrik.
Salah satu hal yang makin gue pahami ketika tinggal di negara asing selama 6.5 tahun belakangan itu adalah, ternyata, jadi minoritas itu gak asik banget. Masih mending Berlin, kotanya pluralistik dan toleran. Sekarang Eropa lagi didera isu terorisme dan imigrasi yang meningkat, dan mau gak mau, Islam jadi bulan-bulanan media dan perspektif umum, apalagi gue yang pake jilbab kemana-mana. Sebelum peningkatan imigrasi setahun belakangan ini aja, setiap ngelewatin pemeriksaan di airport, suka ada aja diperiksa lebih (random check, yeah rite). Sekarang dengan makin tajamnya dan meningkatnya komunitas ultra kanan, atau orang-orang yang awalnya bersikap bigot diam-diam, sekarang bigot secara terang-terangan, gaah... bener-bener bikin gak nyaman.
Gue masih untung, pulang ke Indonesia, balik jadi bagian dari mayoritas. Tapi bukan itu kan, pelajaran yang bisa diambil? Kayak kata Harper Lee di novelnya, "Lo gak bakal bisa tau rasanya jadi orang lain, sampai lu ngerasain dan menjalani hidup di bawah kulitnya". Dan ini gue masih merasa jadi minoritas aja perasaan udah gak enak banget. Musti serba was-was karena walaupun secara umum orang ramah dan baik hati, ada aja manusia yang pikirannya sempit yang memandang lo curiga, ngejudge elu sebagai manusia biadab, dsb, bikin lu kesel di ubun-ubun, tapi masa lo musti bawa sertifikat lulus PhD atau isi bank account buat ngedamprat balik, "Apa? Judge gue lagi? Lu lulus sekolah gak? Gak usah bigoted gitu deh." Tapi kata Rasulullah, kalau orang jahat sama lo, balas dengan bersikap baik, jadi ya walau sulit, berusaha tetep bersabar dan terus-terusan ngingetin ke diri sendiri, jalanin hari-hari dengan harga diri yang diimbangi dengan kerendah hatian. Jangan lupa. Fiuh.
Nah, kan, jadi kemana-mana. Oke, balik ke topik semula. Intinya, being a minority sucks. Jadi kalau menjadi mayoritas, jangan sombong, jangan semena-mena, toleransi dijagalah. Hargai hak azasi tiap manusia, karena lo masih untung lahir jadi bagian mayoritas. Begitu ngerasain jadi minoritas, pedih. Dan lo gak bakal percaya apa yang sekarang gue bilang sampai lo... ngerasain sendiri! Dan makanya, ketika Bernie Sanders, si calon presiden Amrik yang sudah berumur 74 tahun, masih mengulang kata-kata, dan prioritas politik yang sudah dia gaungkan dari muda, dan TETAP KONSISTEN, walaupun sulit dan perjalanannya berat buat dia bisa jadi kandidat presiden dari partai Demokrat, mau gak mau gue jadi bersimpati. Sebenernya setiap kali gue denger pidato politik dia belakangan, gue merasa, kalaupun dia jadi presiden, dia sebetulnya udah nothing to lose, umur juga udah tua, perubahan kalaupun terjadi, dia gak bisa ngerasain semuanya, jadi dia berjuang untuk apa? Bukan buat uang lagi, atau ketenaran, atau posisi politik yang tinggi, tapi konsistensi memperjuangkan apa yang selalu ia perjuangkan dari muda sampai sekarang. Dan sebenernya, gue kagum dengan konsistensi beliau dan semangat keadilannya tersebut...
(ini ada link video tentang hal yang secara konsisten beliau perjuangkan dari dulu sampai sekarang https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU3NKvvxcSs)
Dan tulisan ini pengen gue akhiri dengan gambar dan peribahasa/kata-kata bijak yang barusan gue temuin pas browsing tag Bernie Sanders di Tumblr:
Makasih udah selalu konsisten berjuang. All the best in the primaries, Bernie!
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